Trixie was 14 years old when she passed away. I debated back, and forth on how to tell, or not tell people but decided in the end that so many people loved her, and maybe it would help someone in my situation know that they are not alone. And make conversations less awkward when people ask me about her, and I randomly start crying.
(Cloud sequence)
The first day:
I was lonely, and missing my family so I thought why not get a puppy? I picked her out from a breeder after searching for months for a puppy. The idea was to get a yellow lab. We were introduced to her parents Duke & Duchess who when I met them were in the process of digging such a massive hole under their house that it had caused it to shift to the side. (Literally) I saw her sitting away from all of her brothers & sisters who were all digging the hole too! I picked her up, and she laid her head on me. That was it. She was the runt of the litter, at just two months old, and would never be a show dog according to the breeder. (However my pictures of her dressed as snooki, would make you disagree)
She was a crazy an awesome puppy whom I had many adventures with such as camping in the blue ridge mountains, (that was actual more of a nightmare trip with Bears! I'll blog about that later) charity events, dog costume contests, creating artwork with her paws, and just doing life together.
She got me through the hardest breakup of my life, and when I didn't want to go on anymore she was there to wake me up (literally running her head through the bedroom blinds until I woke up)
I remember some nights laying with her on her bed thanking God I wasn't alone, and prayed that he wouldn't take her from me. That she would just make it another day, another week, another vacation, until I found "the one", until I had my first child so on, and so forth.
I was fortunate in that she was pretty healthy. She still had great hearing, eye sight, and never had to have surgery like most labs do for their hips. She had gained a lot of weight at one point, and after some tests realized that her thyroid levels were off. After some medicine she was back to normal. Then as the years went by she began to walk a little slower, and needed her thyroid medication changed. She once had a seizure but that was the worst that she had ever gone through until recently.
When I met Aaron "the one" he knew it was a deal breaker that Trixie like him, and that he needed to love all animals. We won't get into my views on the circus. I quickly saw how different, and puppy-like she was with him, and she quickly became his shadow.
The last day:
I was going to take her back to the vet to have some more tests run that following Monday, because she had been having accidents on and off for months, as well as they couldn't figure out why she was losing a bunch of weight, and sometimes had no appetite. Then other days she would eat a ton, and was super happy.
She seemed fine so off we went to Daytona..
On the way there she got sick in the car, but then calmed down. When we got there she got sick again.. This time burping like crazy.. Really really loud, and started foaming at the mouth and began walking funny like she was drunk. I took her outside but she seemed to get worse. Her stomach also began to swell. We looked up her Symptoms, and it sounded like Blout This is when we decided to go to an emergency vet. Within minutes of arriving the X-rays where done, and we heard the news..
My worst fears were realized it was Blout her stomach had flipped over on its side, was filling with air, and she was in a lot of pain. They also noticed some other spots that they think were cancer, and could explain the weight loss. We had only minutes to decide that she had suffered enough, and made the tough decision to let her go, and not go along with surgery where her quality of life may not have been any better. (Still thinking back on this choice)
I almost lost it when immediately after a girl walks in with pamphlets on casket options, burial at home versus cremation. I just froze, and then really angry. Not at her just that I had to make a choice so quickly! I had never thought of what to do when the time came. I knew the thought of cremating her made me sick to my stomach. Luckily Aaron's mom (who was the saint that first suspected what she had, called the vet, and handled everything, and I don't know what we would have done without her) suggested that we bury Trixie at their house where she really really loved to be.
I remember holding her paws, and talking to her as they gave her the shot to neverland. When it was done they told me her eyes would stay open, and I could walk out of the room. I'll never forget feeling scared that I was leaving the room, and that I was leaving her on a table alone where she could fall, and no-one was there to watch her. It still hadn't hit me she was gone. I ran back, and checked her pulse I can't tell you how many times. I had dreams that night of her becoming a zombie dog, or even frankenweenie, and coming back.
The next day Aaron, and his father (Angels in my book) buried her. I still don't know how they did it. I couldn't watch as they put the casket in as I was panicking as to if she really was dead, and what if she wasn't, and I could help her..
When it was time to say goodbye, for the last time I walked to where she was with Aaron's family, and we said a quick prayer for her which made me feel "better". Since then some flowers are planted there,
Not a day goes by when I don't catch myself looking down before I get out of bed to avoid stepping on her, looking for her when I walk in the door, or hearing a noise, and double taking thinking I hear her, or the confusion I feel over not buying dog food at the store, and walking by the pet aisle at Target and not needing anything anymore. Literally, and not being a pet owner not being the owner of a fur kid the list goes on....
I don't know what Aaron, and I would have done without his family. They stepped right in, and handled one of the most heart breaking things for us, and had loved her from day one. As well as my dear friends Curtis, and Linda who immediately to do anything to help, and even offered to help me clean out my home so it would be easier when I returned. I opted to do it myself, and passed some things on to a friend with a new dog.
I feel better sharing our life with Trixie with all of you. I know she held on as long as she could, and waited until I had found "the one" because she knew that with Aaron I would never be alone ever again.
